The Darkest of Days.....

My Sarah Belle Lost her baby Saturday.  I just do not understand why something so terrible would happen to such a sweet girl. 

I watched her and Jarel hold on to each other and cry, all the time praying they would continue to hold on to each other.  There will be so much sadness in the days to come.  This is something the two of them will share their entire lives.

I love you my little Sarah Belle.  I am so sorry this happened to you baby girl.

I am Happy Happy Happy...pretty much :-)

 I have made some really good friends over here. 

We go out, talk and sometimes laugh until we cry.

We all have a different story to tell and bring something different into our friendship.

Deb owns the Inn in town and is this free spirited woman who loves to smile.  Steven manages a resort outside of town and he never fails to make us all giggle but is right there when a serious conversation is needed. 

 I am secretly hoping the two of them will become more than just friends but even if that never happens, I will be content for all of us to continue as is.

Deb makes this amazing Peanut Butter pie and even though it is a "secret recipe", I hope to one day get her drunk enough to give it to me! hahaha

We are having a birthday party for Steven Thursday. He will be 42. Our friends at the Bar&Grill are hosting it.  It is nice to have friends in high places. *smile*

I do need to get my hands on a Cheesecake recipe.  It is Stevens favorite but I have never made one that didn't come out of the box!  I will youtube it!

I guess this proves you are never too old to make close friends.  Just got to open up a little and let people in.

Update!!!  They got together!... Then they broke up. LOL.. Oh, I still don't have that recipe. :o)

Cricut love...

Those infomercials really do sell poducts! LOL  I watched the one fo the Cricut Expession and just had to have me one.  I am not a scrapbooking type of gal but I cannot wait to play with vinyl.

Aaaaand if I just hate it, I have 30 days to decide if I want to keep it. 

 It is a win win situation.

I aleady have my fist project planned and will post pics after it is done....if my Cricut will ever get here.

Chip! Chirp!

Update!  I sent it back.  Turns out, I am afraid of crickets.. ;)

Goodbye Nirvanna

Nirvanna died today.  I loved that cat.  He lived 12 years and I think this solidifies everything about the past few months.
A chapter in my life has ended.  Going, going, gone.
I told Chelsea to tell Jack.  He will be sad.

My boys are all but grown now.  Logan at sixteen is quite the little man.  They are all such handsome young men and I couldn't be prouder of them.
When we bought Vanna home the boys were all so little.  So many years shared with him.

Rest in peace old man.  I am not sure what God's plan is for pets, but I hope to see you again in my Heaven.

I am tired of being harassed. You are insignificant to me. Troll if you must. I don't care anymore.

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Harassment online is just as illegal as harassment offline.  If contacting the ISP PrairieWave (605)753-7430 does not produce results, do the following: Call Police; Call State Police Computer Crimes Unit; Call the FBI Computer Crimes Unit

Leave me alone.

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Where is the cable guy????

Day 27 of no cable.....

Suds in a bucket...

 I have about three pounds of Goat's Milk soap.  I have had it about two years now and back then decided that I wanted to make soap.  I was terrified to work with Lye so this venture did not last long.

Today I pulled out the soap.  Huge hideous mass of soap.  The perk is that when I cut a tiny piece off, it was so silky and felt awesome on my hands.  Cool!

So I am on a hunt to find a recipe (EASY) that I can convert these big ole chunky bars into liquid soap.

The easiest one by far that I have found is the one on buzzle.com:

How to Make Liquid Soap: Recipe #2

Ingredients Required


•1 Soap bar


•5 tbsp of Olive oil


•Water


Procedure


Here is a easy homemade soap recipe. Grate the soap bar. Now boil 1 cup of water in a cooking bowl or saucepan. Once it boils, add olive oil and grated soap to it. Mix the ingredients well, you can use a blender for this purpose. Heat the mixture again. Add about 3-4 cups of water, stir well and the let it cool down. Fill it up in the liquid soap bottles. You can increase the amount of olive oil if required. You can also add fragrance and colors if desired and mix well, before the mixture cools down
 
Tomorrow I have to be somewhere..busy busy LOL  So Tuesday I am going to see if I do not turn my soap into a gloppy gooey mess. 
 
Muah!

Keep Walking..

I am on a new journey.  I'm entering a new territory. An unexplored place in my faith.

I have taken my walk with God and my faith for granted.  Knowing He is there waiting...but I give a little wave, a nod and say, "I'm going on this other path.  I will catch up with you later"...I walk away.

This new journey is about hurt and anger. About unanswered prayer. About reasons why we go through certain things and have to endure the hard things of life. It's about questions, doubts.  I am doubting what a I really know about this life and those who share the air.

Even as I desire to learn more about God and His place in our hurt and about Satan and his role in causing the hurt. Or, does he even have a role? Have we become so cold, so evil, even Satan looks on in awe? Where is God when it seems like Satan, or if you will, the evil of man, has the advantage? Even though I know full well God holds the ultimate victory?  Don't I?
....I am still so far away.

.....And as I walk down this other path, God is watching...waiting

Colten is talking about joining the Army...Please God, just let it be talk...I am so sad

I'm leaving on a Jett plane..

Actually my Jett landed here today...Jaxon Jett that is!  Chelsea and baby Jett came to stay a few days with us!  I am a happy Gammie!!!

I'm staring at you through the glass....

Zach is asleep.  He went to bed unhappy.  I wish I knew what to say to make him feel better. 

Life is so complicated when you are 18...Damn, it's hard at any age.

I am 40 years old and I wonder where it all went.  I look back at my life, as if looking through someone elses eyes... "For now we see through a glass, darkly"

I can't go back....Even if I could, there would be no time to fix all my mistakes hehe.

I love my Douglas and boys, Chels, Sarah Belle and baby Jett.  But at this point I feel like it is all water rushing over an open palm.  How long before it all falls apart?  What will happen now? 
Then I shake myself out of my solitude, and forge ahead.

Merna completely threw me to the wolves. Wow.  But I knew deep down, she would.  I knew.  Even told Doug what would happen if I stood by her.  But I was loyal to her...until the end.
Maybe it was a positive.  Now that I have taken a step away, I can see more clearly.  I am making a new life here. 

Zach is right...life doesn't make sense.  I won't tell him that though...When two or more come together in agreement and all that..

Sleep Zach...it will be better tomorrow...or it won't..

The more things change....well, the more they change..

Jarel turned 23 today
Jackson is in Korea :-(
Zach is out at a bar playing music with Doug
I have no idea where My Colten is tonight
Logan is off with the church

I am so tired...